ONE DAY IN 2016
“Dad, promise me one thing !
“Dad,
“First, I want to tell you something. You are my hero. Ever since my childhood, you have been my idol and my inspiration.
Whenever I tell my friends about the things you have achieved in life, I feel proud of you. The love and respect you have earned, not just within the family but in society as well, are unparalleled. They are things that make all of us proud.
“But there is something I have wanted to tell you for a long time. I am sure you will agree with me.
“The most powerful woman I have ever known is your wife—my mother. I cannot stand seeing tears in her eyes. It is something I simply cannot bear. Perhaps, if you could remain a little more composed, quietly turning the pages of a newspaper, some of the words that come out of your mouth might never be spoken, and her eyes might never well up with tears.
“When we are angry, we often say things we do not really mean. At such moments, hurting the other person becomes our primary concern. One thing I have learnt is that words spoken in anger rarely convey what we truly feel. Only when we speak calmly does the other person clearly understand what we are trying to say.
“I am not telling you all this because I think there are things you do not know.
You are my teacher. In experience, wisdom and patience, you are far ahead of me.
“My only wish is this, Dad: please keep your mind at peace.
Sometimes, things may take a little longer than you expected. Something at home may need repairing. Someone may turn up unannounced at an inconvenient hour, asking for something. Sometimes, the food on your plate may not taste as good as you would like. On certain occasions, Mom may see things differently from you.
“The lift may stop working, there may be a power cut, the BSNL telephone line may go dead, the driver may arrive late, the laptop or the internet may give you trouble, or the roads may be choked with traffic. But none of these things is so serious that it should turn our lives upside down.
“What really matters in life is having the courage to admit our mistakes and apologise with humility. We must also learn to respect the opinions of others.
I know that I, too, have made many mistakes because of my temper. I have hurt people closest to me with my words, and the pain of having done so still weighs on my mind.
“Dad,
“I am not writing this letter to hurt you. I only want to share what is in my heart. My love and respect for you will never diminish because of these little incidents.
“We begin to appreciate the beauty of life only when we learn to watch it as a spectator. We can observe everything happening around us, but it is up to us to decide what we allow to affect us.
“My limited experience tells me that ninety per cent of the arguments we have with others in life can easily be avoided. Because, in the end, whether we win or lose an argument, what do we really gain from it? This is especially true of arguments between husband and wife, and between fathers and sons. They serve no useful purpose.
“Dad, just as you have always stood by our family, I will always stand by you. Whatever position I occupy today, whatever life I enjoy today, I owe it all to you!
“I say this once again: please make sure that your behaviour never again brings tears to Mom’s eyes. That is all I ask of you!
“Let us all do whatever we can to keep Mom happy. And if we cannot make her happy, at least let us make sure that we do not cause her pain. She has already spent most of her life struggling and sacrificing for our sake. Let us put an end to that now. Please do not say no.
“All I ask is that you make me this one promise.
“Yours affectionately,
“Your Santosh!”
A man who knew so much like my son Santosh was granted only half a lifetime, while a man who knew so little like me was blessed with a full span of years.
What a strange play of the Almighty!
About ten years ago, our second son, Santosh, who was working in Pune at that time came to Hyderabad to spend some time with us.
That night, a minor disagreement arose between my wife and me, and we both dug in our heels.
“My grandmother used to say, ‘When you get angry, count to ten before you speak. You have a terrible temper, and you never know how harshly you might speak to someone.’
“Poor old Grandma! Does anyone actually sit down and count to ten when anger takes hold of them? Especially people like me, who seem to have been born with anger.
“That night, I lost control of my tongue and spoke harshly to my wife, without even sparing a thought for the fact that our children were at home.
“What could a woman do? She did not retaliate or say a word in protest. That is their weakness—and that is what men take advantage of. Wiping away her tears, she went about talking to the children.
“As for me, I was my usual stubborn self. Nothing seemed to affect me.
“My son had planned to stay for two days, but he left the very next evening on a flight back to Pune.
“The letter you have just read is the one Santosh left behind for me before he went away.
“For all these years, I have treasured that letter. Whenever the other man inside me rises to the surface, it serves as a weapon with which I try to bring myself under control.
“Not that I have transformed myself into Gautama Buddha! But it has certainly helped me change my behaviour, at least to some extent.
“Actually, Santosh had written this letter in English, in his own handwriting. I struggled quite a bit to translate it into Telugu. I am not very familiar with the kind of English youngsters speak and write these days. And, in much the same way, they do not find my Telugu writing all that easy to understand.
“Ever since I began writing these episodes, many people have been asking me the same question: ‘How can you call yourself a Zero?’
“I have kept putting off the answer, saying I would reveal it at the end.
“Already, hundreds episodes have been published, and there are still so many things left to tell. Every now and then, I find myself wondering how a life so short can contain so much.
“There is a reason why I have decided to write the ending before its time.
“I think it was about a week ago.
“In the early hours of the morning, I died in my sleep.
“I was alone at home. Since I had died in my sleep, nobody knew what had happened.
“Early in the morning, the domestic help arrived and rang the doorbell. Assuming that I must have gone to bed late and was still asleep, she left.
“Vanitha, cook, who came later, had the same experience. When she returned in the evening, there was still no sign of movement inside the house. She telephoned me, but I did not answer.
“The next day, growing suspicious, she contacted the neighbours, who in turn telephoned my elder brother in Jubilee Hills.Their worst suspicion turned out to be true.
“They opened the door with the spare keys they had and looked inside. There I was, lying lifeless on the bed in my bedroom.
“That was the dream I had in the early hours of that morning.
“People say that dreams seen at such an hour come true. But I had done no great deeds of merit to deserve such a quiet and peaceful exit from this world.
“Yet the dream made me realise one truth.
“If I keep writing episode after episode in this manner, I may never get the opportunity to reveal what I had intended to tell you at the end!
“This is no detective thriller, after all, where I have to keep the suspense alive until the final page.
“Let me say what needs to be said first. The rest can wait.
“And so, here we are—the beginning of the end.”
After reading this, I believe and wish, one can understand why I described my self as a BIG ZERO.
Below Photo:
My wife Nirmala and my second son Santosh
